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Thursday, October 18, 2012

Ghetto Fabulous Peanut Butter Chops!

Ghetto Fabulous Peanut Butter Chops!

I wasn't going to post this but my OCD brain won't stfu about it so here it is, in a nutshell, (no pun intended)...

It's no big secret among those who know me that I was in a serious accident several years ago that destroyed all of my teeth. Needless to say, I am now rockin a full set of dentures like a boss. The problem is that I haven't had them lined yet and they go all Houdini on me trying to escape in the most inappropriate moments. No examples necessary, I'm sure you all know what I mean, and lets face it, this post, in and of itself, is more than enough on its own. For those who don't get it, it's one of those "If you have to ask, you don't wanna know" things.

I've tried every name brand and no name brand extra hold denture cream on the market, and yes they work, unless you are trying to eat REAL FOOD like an apple, in which case, they all effin suck. Not to mention they are expensive. Long story short, after 5 months of Houdini-esque denture drama, I ran out of cream and the money to buy it. So, last night, in one of my sleep deprived moments, I had yet another one of my ghetto fabulous eureka moments.... 

"Try peanut butter!" said my brain, to me, when no one was looking. So after arguing with myself about how insane, over-tired, retarded and spun I am to even entertain the thought, I did it. And guess what? It works. DON'T JUDGE ME!!! No. I'm not even joking people. I doubt its strong enough to conquer the apple, but it works as a quick fix in that OMG! Crisis moment. Just, please, if nothing else, remember to fight the lazy urge to stash a jar of peanut butter in your bathroom for the sake of convenience. You don't want to have to answer the awkward questions that people will telepathically and vocally attack you with.

That said, this post, is for everyone who finds themselves in this situation. I hope someone finds it useful, because that will make having gone through this WORTH IT for me. Let it also be said, that I also have hope in my heart that this has occurred to someone other than me, because that would make me less crazy, or at the very least not alone which is good. Yes, I am that selfish to not want to be here alone on this wave-length. May the force, and the peanut butter be with you, and may you live long and prosper enough to have one or the other on hand if you should so need it :) And just to encourage the positive energy of it all, here is a better visual aid than above.... 

Afterthought: if you hate peanut butter like me, try Nutella, that hazelnut spread. Hopefully you aren't allergic to nuts. If you are try a different butter that isn't too oily and you can tolerate the taste of it. And if you don't like those use plain white bread. To do this simply lay one piece of bread on a plate. Arrange both top and bottom dentures (teeth facing up) inside the crusted area so both of them fit on the soft, white inside part of the bread. Be careful not to get crust in the dentures, it's hard, uncomfortable and doesn't stick. Use your dentures like cookie cutters (with bread on under-side, that obviously being the part that fits to your gums) remove any extra pieces of bread and put them in your mouth, bite down hard to secure them in place, and rinse your mouth with warm water. It doesn't last all day, but it lasts a few hours or so and you can eat but try to eat softer foods that don't require excessive chewing ;)